I 👏 can't 👏 wait 👏 to 👏 go 👏 to 👏 urgent 👏 care 👏 tomorrow 👏 for 👏 tooth 👏 pain 👏

luv to watch jeopardy twice so i can get the answers wrong again

Blowing up a big balloon to send my coffee breath elsewhere

1) Get all billionaires to agree to go on Undercover Boss

2) Tell them that this is their job forever now

3) Use their billions for kindness

4) Remind them that they can become billionaires again if they just work hard enough packing peaches for $6 an hour

who's a good boy? tell us. we got the dirt on you. if you cooperate and tell us who the good boy is, maybe you'll get a good deal.

jessica chastain and bryce dallas howard aren't the same person, apparently

image what shenanigans harley the cockatoo could get up to with a couple of five-fingered badboys

i gotta figure out how to solve the world's problems with 2 wishes just in case i ever find a genie because one of the wishes is going to be giving birds arms just to see what they do with em

me when i open a box i labeled "fat pants" and now i have a bunch of pants that fit

libertarians: "fools, paper money is worthless, you only think it has value. unlike the metals we make high school class rings out of, those are inherently valuable."

Avez vous pensé à recharger votre chien aujourd'hui?

I printed out a copy of this and taped it up behind my monitor. Every day I stare at it, sometimes for hours, to build my discipline and self-control.

us pol Show more

Anarchists in mainstream media: I WANT THE WORLD TO BE LIKE DARK SOULS
Anarchists IRL: I want the world to be like Animal Crossing

you best believe i'm scrolling past those pinned toots. i don't want toots you're proud of. i want the bad toots. the absolute garbage toots.

@dmh I hate when Microsoft Word cyber-bullies me in scare quotes

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Guillotines Inc.

General Communism, writing, and shitposts.